Some memoirs deal with heavier subject matter than others. When you’ve lived through such an experience, not only can it be emotionally draining to write about, but it can also be quite difficult to ensure you’re giving enough details for the reader to fully understand the place and situation you’re in.

Let’s get one thing clear: It takes amazing bravery to write about these types of experiences. 

People who do so deserve all the credit because they are putting their vulnerability on stage, so to speak, for the world to read about. So, if you are writing a memoir about a challenging time in your life, I have nothing but the utmost respect for you. 

If you’re considering writing about a challenging experience, I do recommend you take the time to do so in a way that doesn’t cause further harm.

Would it surprise you to know that I put safeguards in place when I’m editing memoirs that deal with certain subject matter? For example, I have a very low threshold for reading about animal abuse or childhood sexual abuse, whereas I have a higher tolerance level for domestic violence issues. I’m not quite sure why this is. It’s possible I can examine it through the lens of a societal gain—helping other women who may be in need and drawing attention to a much-needed social area—in a way that my brain finds harder to do with animal and child abuse. But it’s still a hard thing to absorb, and I think what matters here moreso than the why factor is just the what—I am aware of what I can work with and what I cannot.

When I work with a client, I become quite connected to their story. So, I know that when I take on memoirs that deal with abuse, I need certain safeguards in place. I need frequent breaks. I need a longer amount of time to complete the project. I may need counselling sessions or built-in journal reflection time. Activities that strengthen my mental health are key (for me, this means regular exercise, reading for fun, walking the dogs, limiting my TV/movie intake to positive/funny stories, cooking beloved favourites, and playing board games with friends and family).

Some memoirs deal with heavier subject matter than others. When you’ve lived through such an experience, not only can it be emotionally draining to write about, but it can also be quite difficult to ensure you’re giving enough details for the reader to fully understand the place and situation you’re in.

Let’s get one thing clear: It takes amazing bravery to write about these types of experiences. 

People who do so deserve all the credit because they are putting their vulnerability on stage, so to speak, for the world to read about. So, if you are writing a memoir about a challenging time in your life, I have nothing but the utmost respect for you. 

If you’re considering writing about a challenging experience, I do recommend you take the time to do so in a way that doesn’t cause further harm.

Would it surprise you to know that I put safeguards in place when I’m editing memoirs that deal with certain subject matter? For example, I have a very low threshold for reading about animal abuse or childhood sexual abuse, whereas I have a higher tolerance level for domestic violence issues. I’m not quite sure why this is. It’s possible I can examine it through the lens of a societal gain—helping other women who may be in need and drawing attention to a much-needed social area—in a way that my brain finds harder to do with animal and child abuse. But it’s still a hard thing to absorb, and I think what matters here moreso than the why factor is just the what—I am aware of what I can work with and what I cannot.

When I work with a client, I become quite connected to their story. So, I know that when I take on memoirs that deal with abuse, I need certain safeguards in place. I need frequent breaks. I need a longer amount of time to complete the project. I may need counselling sessions or built-in journal reflection time. Activities that strengthen my mental health are key (for me, this means regular exercise, reading for fun, walking the dogs, limiting my TV/movie intake to positive/funny stories, cooking beloved favourites, and playing board games with friends and family).

I put all these in place…even though I didn’t live the actual experience! 

I become a part of your experience, on a different level, as the involvement it takes to work on a manuscript is a much deeper level than your average reader; however, I need to stress that while I put these safeguards in place to protect my own mental health and professional standards (I’m no good to other clients if I cannot shift gears when needed and work on other projects, too), I. Did. Not. Experience. These. Experiences. 

So, if you are reading this and agree that what I do is a healthy way of living and protecting myself, I want you to place the same kindness (more, in fact!) on yourself: the liver of these experiences. 

It is so important that you set boundaries and protect yourself before, during, and after writing and publishing your story.

If you are looking for ideas on how to implement self-care practices or the types of boundaries to set, here is a good place to start:

• Consider whether you might need to adjust your sleep schedule to allow for additional rest during this time.
• What time of the day works best for you to write about these challenging experiences? Some people prefer to write early in the day, allowing other things unfold and take their mind off their experience as the day progresses; other people like to write at the end of the day and then use nighttime for decompression and rest.
• Do you need to adjust your social media habits?
• Consider whether you may need to adjust your social time with others—some people may require more social time to decompress, while others may need to withdraw, temporarily, to allow for personal reflection. 
• Do you need to adjust what you watch on TV/Netflix?
• Consider what chores you may wish to put on pause (does cooking drain you? If you can prepare meals ahead of time for this period or avail of take-away if budget allows) and which ones soothe you (maybe cleaning while blasting upbeat tunes energizes you!).
• Are you able to write in large chunks of time or should you set a timer for shorter spurts, so as not to overwhelm you?
• Do you need to avoid certain people while writing? Still others more frequently?
• Consider scheduling extra time for journaling, meditation, and reflection.
• Do you need to schedule some sessions with a therapist or other mental health specialist to support you during this time?
• Should you adjust your diet, alcohol, or cannabis intake during this time?
• Consider what form of exercise you’re able to do that could help offset some stress.
• What activity should you turn to, immediately after writing to help you decompress?
• How else can you show extra kindness to yourself during this time?

Taking some time to reflect on what kind of support you’ll require as you write some difficult things before you start to write will help to establish a schedule that makes you feel safe. Thinking about your boundaries and what will do more harm will help you protect yourself as much as possible during this potentially emotionally-raw time. 

As you begin to re-live these experiences through writing, if you find yourself being triggered and feeling re-traumatized, please do reach out for professional help. Now may not be the time for you to write down your experiences (or maybe it is, but you need professional help to do so). Do not make writing your story more important than your overall healing journey. Ideally, the two work together; however, this isn’t always the case, and I do encourage you to recognize when sharing your story is creating more trauma in you. 

It is possible to write about trauma and difficult things. How you approach that will differ from person to person because how we absorb these events differs from person to person. What I need may not be the same as what you need. That’s okay. What matters is: You put yourself first. This is one time in your life where you can 100% guilt-free put yourself first! Not only will your story be all the better for doing so, but you will be prioritizing your own health in the process.

I put all these in place…even though I didn’t live the actual experience! 

I become a part of your experience, on a different level, as the involvement it takes to work on a manuscript is a much deeper level than your average reader; however, I need to stress that while I put these safeguards in place to protect my own mental health and professional standards (I’m no good to other clients if I cannot shift gears when needed and work on other projects, too), I. Did. Not. Experience. These. Experiences. 

So, if you are reading this and agree that what I do is a healthy way of living and protecting myself, I want you to place the same kindness (more, in fact!) on yourself: the liver of these experiences. 

It is so important that you set boundaries and protect yourself before, during, and after writing and publishing your story.

If you are looking for ideas on how to implement self-care practices or the types of boundaries to set, here is a good place to start:

• Consider whether you might need to adjust your sleep schedule to allow for additional rest during this time.
• What time of the day works best for you to write about these challenging experiences? Some people prefer to write early in the day, allowing other things unfold and take their mind off their experience as the day progresses; other people like to write at the end of the day and then use nighttime for decompression and rest.
• Do you need to adjust your social media habits?
• Consider whether you may need to adjust your social time with others—some people may require more social time to decompress, while others may need to withdraw, temporarily, to allow for personal reflection. 
• Do you need to adjust what you watch on TV/Netflix?
• Consider what chores you may wish to put on pause (does cooking drain you? If you can prepare meals ahead of time for this period or avail of take-away if budget allows) and which ones soothe you (maybe cleaning while blasting upbeat tunes energizes you!).
• Are you able to write in large chunks of time or should you set a timer for shorter spurts, so as not to overwhelm you?
• Do you need to avoid certain people while writing? Still others more frequently?
• Consider scheduling extra time for journaling, meditation, and reflection.
• Do you need to schedule some sessions with a therapist or other mental health specialist to support you during this time?
• Should you adjust your diet, alcohol, or cannabis intake during this time?
• Consider what form of exercise you’re able to do that could help offset some stress.
• What activity should you turn to, immediately after writing to help you decompress?
• How else can you show extra kindness to yourself during this time?

Taking some time to reflect on what kind of support you’ll require as you write some difficult things before you start to write will help to establish a schedule that makes you feel safe. Thinking about your boundaries and what will do more harm will help you protect yourself as much as possible during this potentially emotionally-raw time. 

As you begin to re-live these experiences through writing, if you find yourself being triggered and feeling re-traumatized, please do reach out for professional help. Now may not be the time for you to write down your experiences (or maybe it is, but you need professional help to do so). Do not make writing your story more important than your overall healing journey. Ideally, the two work together; however, this isn’t always the case, and I do encourage you to recognize when sharing your story is creating more trauma in you. 

It is possible to write about trauma and difficult things. How you approach that will differ from person to person because how we absorb these events differs from person to person. What I need may not be the same as what you need. That’s okay. What matters is: You put yourself first. This is one time in your life where you can 100% guilt-free put yourself first! Not only will your story be all the better for doing so, but you will be prioritizing your own health in the process.